Reading through Psalms 51, I found how closely I can relate. This was what David wrote when the prophet Nathan came to him after David committed adultery.
When I pray, I have learned from a book by Bill Hybels to follow a little layout called ACTS(http://www.prayerguide.org.uk/actsmodel.htm). I haven't truly followed it yet, but it helps me understand a lot about praying. A is for ADORATION. We must first adore God and go over everything (well try to go over a lot) of how amazing and majestic the God is we serve. This puts one in the correct attitude to pray. C is for CONFESSION. Confessing sins is so important to a relationship to God. Well, I think it is, because if you don't confess your sins, you will find yourself thinking of what a good little person you have been lately, when of course you aren't! Confessing sins also is a great way to finally get rid of that sin, because, sooner or later, you're going to get tired (and shamed) at having to bring such filth to God.
When I get to the confessions, I always think about how much I need a pure heart. Sure, every now and then I'll get to that point where I may do something simply for the glory of God, but sometimes I feel like I want some reward for the good things I do on Earth right now. And my spirit rebukes myself (I know this is all a little schitzophrenic, but does anyone else experience this daily battle?!) for thinking such evil thoughts all the time. Sometimes it drives me crazy, and I know if I get that disgusted with myself, what does God think. I hate it when I get angry or passionate about things that don't matter, or when I doubt God's power. I do desire a pure heart, and the only thing stopping God from creating it is myself of course. WOW, I am definately a work in progress, and sometimes I fear I'm falling behind where I should be right now. I really want God to use me on one hand, but sometimes I let myself fall into fear of what I may have to sacrifice. It's really horrible and selfish of me, but I refuse to lie about it, because if I'm honest about it, I think it will help me get over my fears and make whatever plunge God will need me to make!
Haha... Cash is sleeping by my feet and he makes these weird snoring/gurgling/weird noises all the time.
Anyways, though, I just wanted to share my heart on that matter and I left the link above so you can see the rest of ACTS, because I think it is really great. Gooood night!
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