I have been a busy bee the last few months. I am now a RN, employed in the telemetry unit at Lane, and I am a homeowner!
Graduation was absolutely wonderful! Closing the chapter of life called SCHOOL was something I have anticipated more and more each year. Nursing school, although interesting and a major part of my life, was getting just a bit old. It's been a few months since I graduated now, and I miss all my friends from school so much. I am so blessed to have had them through that journey. It reminds me how much the Lord directs my steps and puts people in my life to watch over me.
Speaking of which, beginning my first job at Lane has been hard. And when I say hard, I mean overwhelming, frustrating, confusing, and even hopeless at times. But the support I get from the other nurses there is absolutely amazing. Although they are busy, they always try to do their best to make sure I am able to do what needs to be done. That being said, nursing is the most difficult job I could imagine. There is pressure on all sides. My number one concern, the patient, is of course stressful because I am so concerned about their well being, especially if I am worried they are not doing well. Then there is the paperwork..... ohhhh the paperwork. There is so much room for errors! And the doctors.... well.... You know, if a patient needs something, I am going to do my very best to get it for them. But nine times out of ten if you try to talk to a doctor, they act like my sole purpose in life is to make them miserable. You can't say one thing wrong, one most certainly can not ask them to repeat themselves, and heaven forbid you call them twice in a row! The responsibilities! Vitals every four hours, medicine due almost every other hour, calling the doctor and waiting for a call back, rechecking the charts to make sure no new orders are up, running to the patient's room to get a followup vital or stop a beeping pump, PPE on and off on and off on and off, oh look the orders have changed again, and now an admit to do that is going to take an hour to get their new orders in and assess the patient, and don't forget to note off those charts (you better check them 5 times because if one tiny thing was put in wrong on the computer by pharmacy or the ward clerk or monitor tech it is NURSE'S fault), and you better put every. single. thing. you. do. in your charting on the computer! It is never ending anxiety and stress.
And I love my patients, I really do. But my stomach is getting into knots and my adrenaline is pumping just thinking about work right now. I really want to do a good job, and every day I come home feeling like I gave my all and it was no where close to even being adequate. I want so badly to go above and beyond and I feel like I'm not even approaching 'okay'. It's pretty upsetting. It makes you feel like a failure.
That being said, I am so grateful I am done with school. My stress ends when I leave work, (well most of the time). I did have to call last night and ask the nurse taking care of one of my patients to print out something I forgot to print out. On the most part though, I do my very best to not think about work when I am not there. I just do not want to burn out and hate nursing. That is something I am so scared of. I worked so hard to get to this point, and I can not quit. I love the fact that I am a productive part of society and that I am working to help people!
Another added benefit of having a full time job is owning a house!!!
Although I am not living there yet, (Kyle is), I still visit a lot to help clean and upkeep our awesome underground pool! :-)
All in all, I have been living life and trying to put some meaning into it. Making time for God has become even more important ever to me because I want to have something to pour into my patients. On my own, I feel like I will get worn down and become unable to give anything more, but with God, all things are possible.
More than ever, I look forward to marrying my soulmate. Thank God he is in my life. God knew just the right time to bring him to me. I know things aren't always perfect, and marriage will be difficult at times, but having my best friend by my side will help me become the woman that I need to be to make a difference in other people's lives. God, in doing what only He can do, knew that I needed someone who would hold me accountable to my own beliefs and convictions, and who would encourage me to do what I am supposed to do.
With that, I shall leave you with some pictures of my life as of late!
