Well now, ain't that lovely?

I am so tired and worn out and socially deprived. The one thing I miss about high school is getting to see and talk to friends every day. I talk to people at school and stuff, but it's just not the same as having people around who really know you and all. And, of course, it's hard to become close friends with people who don't live around here at all because of course the only time you will see each other is at school. I think the problem is none of my close friends commute to Southeastern with me. So, I don't know, I get really lonely now and it stinks. A lot. I think I must suck at socializing because I can just walk through the store or something and people look at me like I'm retarded or I have stupid written on my head. It really bothers me. But, it's all good I guess.

But anyways, school has been keeping me busy and stuff and although this semester is more challenging than last semester, I'm still doing well. I'm excited about getting to apply during the fall for nursing school and not having to stress over whether or not I'm going to get into nursing school.

And of course, once I get into nursing school I am going to have to study my butt off so I don't lose my scholarships, which would not be good. :)

God has been really good lately. He is always just there, and not only that, I am growing in him and words can't really describe the experience. All I can say is, I've got a long way to go in learning trust and faith but I am going somewhere.

I am trying to avoid getting fat, so I'm trying to eat healthier and stuff. Hopefully it will work.

And breathe... just breathe, whoa

Music means a lot to me. Although I am not the master of any instrument, my singing is just barely bareable, and I don't have the most intelligent or sophisticated taste in music, it is something that moves me. I learn from music, I feel from music, and I identify with music. There's just that something about it. Lately, I've been falling in love with a particular book of the bible. The book of Psalms, of all things! Honestly, (which this is probably really bad that I felt this way), but I used to hate that book. Why? It was the least storylike or informative of all the books. But now I just don't feel that way. Things have happened that have changed me to enable me to identify to King David and the others that wrote those words.

Music is powerful. Why else would we use it as a vessel in which we send our praises to such an Almighty God? And really, am I the only one who is so moved by it? Although you may not know it, music has made you cry. Think of the saddest movie you have ever seen. Now, are you honestly able to refute the presense of a moving song that ultimately allowed your heart to feel the emotions of the characters in the movie, even if they weren't human? It may be possible, but I doubt it!

It is just one of the ways that music touches our souls. I believe that God uses music to move me and speak to me. Not as his only way, but definately one way. That is why I watch what I listen to. Now, I LOVE Taylor Swift. It's really a guilt of mine, because the vast majority of her songs incite that teenager boy craziness that can envelop a girl. That's not why I like her songs, but I don't want to become someone who has any actions that are based on pleasing anyone besides my Lord. And, this means that I need to guard my heart, the heart so easily infiltrated by music.

So, in my long rides from Hammond, I am trying to make my heart dwell on things that should be. Call me crazy, but I think the music I listen to will change my heart for the better. And, by opening that door, I am opening myself up for God's movement in my life.

Besides, if I get in a car wreck and die, what better way to go out than singing praise to Jesus?! (haha Sorry for the morbid ending.. but still?)

Javalleujah

Instructions:
Watch the following video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7_dZTrjw9I&feature=rec-HM-r2
Think.


I think there are a lot of things this video points out, but the main thing that struck me was, if you're going to be super nice in a fake way, it has about the same effect as if you didn't notice visitors at all.

I think that we can't get wrapped up in showcasing God and everything he does, because he is amazing and self fulfilling by himself. Basically I'm saying that we need to get back down to the basics... More like a CC's type experience ;)

Notice how long it took for the two people to get their 'coffee' and how uncomfortable they felt by the end. Why don't we just serve the 'coffee' first?
1. It would make more sense
&
2. It is a more genuine way of showing you care for another person.

ps. This isn't meant to be condemning or 'in yo face', I just thought it was an interesting little video. But, if the shoe fits....

The World Revolves Around The Son

So, a lot of stuff has been going down for me lately. Not in a good way either. I had midterms this week, and I made Bs on most of them, which is not good at all, especially since I spent a lot of time studying on them. That also means I'm going to have to study really really hard this semester. I just found out that we were supposed to take two tests last week instead of one for my online biology class, so now I have a zero on a test. I sent her an email and am praying that she finds the kindness in her heart to reopen it and at least let me take the test with a docked score.

The past couple of nights I have been having bad dreams, and all have played on my big fears in life. One has been about me getting in a huge car wreck. In another one I failed a bunch of my tests and had to go to BRCC. In another dream I got hit in the face and all my teeth fell out. In another dream I am really old and had a bunch of cats that follow me around an empty house.

I don't know what it is that's bothering me but I have been way too fearful lately. I kinda feel like God wants me to just put everything in his hands and stop worrying so much. He hasn't given me the spirit of fear, so I need to have faith and not get worried about whether or not I get into nursing school or if I don't make straight As or if I never get married. Maybe I won't. If not, and I have tried my hardest, God has something better out there for him. As a Christian I should be happy and full of joy, but lately I've been really discouraged.

There's a song by Taylor Swift that kinda inspires me though, and, oddly enough, it's from her album Fearless.
It's just a sad picture
The final blow hits you
Somebody else gets
What you wanted again
You know
It's all the same
Another time and place
Repeating history
And your getting sick of it

But I believe
In whatever you do
And I'll do anything
To see it through

Chorus:
Because these things
Will Change
Can you feel it now
These walls
That they put up
To hold us back
Will fall down
It's a revolution
The time will come
for us to finally win

We'll sing hallelujah
We'll sing hallelujah
Oh

So we've been
Out numbered
When we've been
Out cornered
It's hard to fight
When the fight ain't fair

we're getting
Stronger now
From things
They never found
They might be bigger
But we're faster
And never scared

You can walk away
Say we dont need this
But theres something in your eyes
Says we can beat this

Chorus:
Cause these things
Will change
We can feel it now
These walls
That they put up
To hold us back
Will fall down.
It's a revolution
The time will come
For us to finally win

We'll sing hallelujah
We'll sing hallelujah
Oh

Tonight we'll
Stand get off our knees
For what we worked
For all these years
and battle was long
It's the fight
Of our lives but
We'll stand up
Champions tonight

And it's the night
Things changed
Can you see it now
These walls
That they put up
To hold us
Back fell down
it's a revolution
Throw your hands up
Cause we never give in

We'll sing hallelujah
We sang hallelujah
Hallelujah

I know anything I need to do in this life I can do through Christ alone. I have put too much pride in myself and school and things that I do well. He reminds me that I only do well when I do them for him.

It is really a blessing when bad things happen and discourage me, though. I can feel God reaching out to me and pulling me in. That's why he lets these things happen, and I'm glad he loves me so that he gives me what I need and not what I want. What a God I serve.

A Quick Post

I should be studying for two of my midterms I have tomorrow, but right now I wanted to give a quick post of what happened today. Went to church and worked in the nursery. The kids were insanely hyper though! It was crazy. I then went to Meme and Grandad's, ate some french dip sandwiches, then went to practice at two. Of course, I went there with the mindset of wanting to be the angel, but as we went through the play I realized they wanted a boy (or rather a man) for the job, so I wasn't really interested after that. Besides, I wanted to be one of the townspeople!! :) Well, later in the play during the part where Jesus is going to be healing people they had a part open for a demon possessed woman. haha Well, interesting roles like this interest me, especially in they include running down a church aisle screaming like a lunatic. So, I volunteered.

My mom was like, no ma'm you are not going to even act as a demon possessed woman. But I told her the woman gets healed by Jesus and it made her feel a little better. I just think it's hilarious that I have pretty much the wackiest part in the play when people know me as this really shy quiet person. I hope people don't think I'm weird after that, though.
I have a particularly blood curdling scream, so I may have to hold back so I don't scare people! But, this should be quite entertaining for me, scary for others, and hilarious to people who know me and how goofy I can sometimes be. I'm really hoping people don't think I am crazy though. I never stopped to think about that before I volunteer. Oh Well, we shall see!

After practice, I came home, walked the goats around and then did nothing for a little while then headed back to church for college age. Now, I'm here and about to go to sleep. Sorry for the most nonintellectual post!