The World Revolves Around The Son

So, a lot of stuff has been going down for me lately. Not in a good way either. I had midterms this week, and I made Bs on most of them, which is not good at all, especially since I spent a lot of time studying on them. That also means I'm going to have to study really really hard this semester. I just found out that we were supposed to take two tests last week instead of one for my online biology class, so now I have a zero on a test. I sent her an email and am praying that she finds the kindness in her heart to reopen it and at least let me take the test with a docked score.

The past couple of nights I have been having bad dreams, and all have played on my big fears in life. One has been about me getting in a huge car wreck. In another one I failed a bunch of my tests and had to go to BRCC. In another dream I got hit in the face and all my teeth fell out. In another dream I am really old and had a bunch of cats that follow me around an empty house.

I don't know what it is that's bothering me but I have been way too fearful lately. I kinda feel like God wants me to just put everything in his hands and stop worrying so much. He hasn't given me the spirit of fear, so I need to have faith and not get worried about whether or not I get into nursing school or if I don't make straight As or if I never get married. Maybe I won't. If not, and I have tried my hardest, God has something better out there for him. As a Christian I should be happy and full of joy, but lately I've been really discouraged.

There's a song by Taylor Swift that kinda inspires me though, and, oddly enough, it's from her album Fearless.
It's just a sad picture
The final blow hits you
Somebody else gets
What you wanted again
You know
It's all the same
Another time and place
Repeating history
And your getting sick of it

But I believe
In whatever you do
And I'll do anything
To see it through

Chorus:
Because these things
Will Change
Can you feel it now
These walls
That they put up
To hold us back
Will fall down
It's a revolution
The time will come
for us to finally win

We'll sing hallelujah
We'll sing hallelujah
Oh

So we've been
Out numbered
When we've been
Out cornered
It's hard to fight
When the fight ain't fair

we're getting
Stronger now
From things
They never found
They might be bigger
But we're faster
And never scared

You can walk away
Say we dont need this
But theres something in your eyes
Says we can beat this

Chorus:
Cause these things
Will change
We can feel it now
These walls
That they put up
To hold us back
Will fall down.
It's a revolution
The time will come
For us to finally win

We'll sing hallelujah
We'll sing hallelujah
Oh

Tonight we'll
Stand get off our knees
For what we worked
For all these years
and battle was long
It's the fight
Of our lives but
We'll stand up
Champions tonight

And it's the night
Things changed
Can you see it now
These walls
That they put up
To hold us
Back fell down
it's a revolution
Throw your hands up
Cause we never give in

We'll sing hallelujah
We sang hallelujah
Hallelujah

I know anything I need to do in this life I can do through Christ alone. I have put too much pride in myself and school and things that I do well. He reminds me that I only do well when I do them for him.

It is really a blessing when bad things happen and discourage me, though. I can feel God reaching out to me and pulling me in. That's why he lets these things happen, and I'm glad he loves me so that he gives me what I need and not what I want. What a God I serve.